Finally, a Coffee Maker for People Who Literally Puke Gold

Royal Paris press photo.

In an era when most specialty coffee companies are working towards inclusion and accessibility to draw more drinkers into the fold, one coffee equipment maker is doing the exact opposite, offering an outrageously priced brewer that bears all the subtlety of a gilded Las Vegas hotel toilet.

The $18,000-$35,000 brewer — price varies depending on materials customization — comes from a company called Royal Paris, which has a physical mailing address in France and a Central Michigan-area phone number.

In a press release overflowing the kind of shallow, elitist mumbo jumbo that might inspire you to slap any old service worker across the face with your alligator gloves just for yuks, the company says the brewer is composed of 24K gold and Baccarat crystal, with additional gold, copper or silver finishes. It is designed “for the elite few who have collections of expensive cars, fine jewelry, extravagant watches, and beautiful handbags and shoes from the world’s most prestigious designers.”

Aside from all the shiny stuff everywhere, the coffee maker carries a major added bonus. According to the release, it creates the “best coffee ever made.”

It’s about time someone figured out how to do that.

“Our coffeemaker is designed for those who have an appreciation for the finest in architecture, art and style,” said Royal Paris Founder and CEO Maria Tindemans of Okemos, Michigan. “We take our customers on a journey to a time when drinking coffee was a ceremony and a fixture in high society salons; a time when it came with all the pomp and elegance worthy of anyone with fine taste.”

Do you have fine taste? Are you a real powerhouse executive? Do you even have extra kitchen counter space in your one-bedroom flat? If you answered yes to all these questions, you’d better act now.

Says Royal Paris, “Still very exclusive, the Royal Paris coffee maker is starting to make its way into the homes of celebrities and powerhouse executives around the world.”